It’s been quite sometime since I’ve felt the need to write-up a movie. That time is now. The Omen remake is terrible. Even the lovely Ms. Kim Skotak has seen fit to write-up some comments on, as she calls it The Suckomen.
I know, I know, you’re saying, “Coté, I could have told you it’d be terrible.” And you’d be right. The primary problem is that it’s a series of events without much story.
That’s the all the often flaw in horror movies. We call it a monster a movie. But, the monster has to be something fascinating and intriguing on its own to hold the movie together: Frankenstein’s monster, Dracula, that black haired kid in The Ring.
Here we just have the anti-christ, but he doesn’t really do anything except scowl and get Rottweiler all hot and bothered for The Bite. But there’s no story for this monster, no explanation. It’s as if the film makers decided all those Gideon’s bibles in Motel 6′s have done all the work for us, and we don’t need to be told anything.
I mean, his mother was literally a jackal. Jesus, there’s a frickin’ story!
As it stands, it’s about a out of 5: watchable if you’re bored and have some beer, but you’d be better catching up with your Feedlounge.
But for the Grace of Pete
Thankfully, as in so many of these movies that I torture myself with in hopes of finding a great one, there was this man:
Mr. Pete Postlethwaite. Sure, he plays that crazy friar role, but, man, he plays it well.
The Omen III
We attempted to salvage the night by testing out the theory: two bad movies equals one good movie. So, we rented The Omen III with Sam Niel. Man, that was a terrible movie for all the same reasons as The Omen remake, but even more so.
When, oh Lord, when, will we start getting good horror movies again?
(This “review” is microformated with the hReview format. Let’s see what it ends up looking like.)
“We” attempted to salvage the night by renting The Omen III? Ah hem, I believe that was all you. If you recall, I wanted to rent “Hot Wax Zombies On Wheels.” And to think that you poo-pooed a zombie movie with a synopsis that reads,
“When a quiet fishing village is invaded by a gang of hairless zombies on motorcycles, a female biker and her male counterpart–who are both intent on removing unwanted body hair from humankind–join the zombies in their mayhem. The owner of the town’s lingerie shop is then compelled to step into the fold in order to battle the encroaching wave of hairless evil.”
Talk about horror movie redemption!
Why are there two reviews on the technorati page, and why do they point to the root of your site, and not the actual review?
I hated The Omen so much. Leiv Shreiver( or however you spell it) is no Gregory Peck. And that kid, they would have done better with that kid from “birth”. Now that kid is scary.
And poor Mia Farrow. Why would she sign on for this. It was true to orig script, but the scene where she gets run over? So fake it was sad.
The only good think about this movie is when the Photographer has his moment with the stairs in the holy land. That was a great shot. But not worth the crowded theatre or the money wasted on the ticket.
Jon: I’ll have to put the permalink tag in. I forgot that.
Nice Lady: yeah, you’re so right: that beheading was great.
I actually didn’t mind it too much. It was pretty loyal to the original movie script (the book was much more engaging, but whatever). I liked much of the original better, but I thought it was kind of cool to see it updated.